I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank Goodness for heroes!

Signs your Boyfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: He insists on having the dog he gave you last Chirstmas be neutered at once and when asked he just mutters, “Better to be safe than sorry…”

9: He thinks that you had something to do about the way his pet eel died when you were looking after his apartment while he was away.

8: You look at his computer and notice that he bookmarked “Signs That Your Girlfriend is an Animal Lover” page from a website. You also note that he also bookmarked “Signs Your Girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover” from THIS site.

7: You have a fight with him after you and your girlfriend went to an aquarium exhibit. Later after you two made up and are having sex, he looks at you suspiciously in the eye and asks, “Honey, why does your pussy smell fishy?”

6: He won’t take you to the zoo anymore.

5: He won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell him you sleep with the dog, he hopes that’s all you do.

3: You tell him that the reason you were late was because you got detained by the police and he asks, “Which one, the Horse Patrol Unit of the K9 Unit?”

2: You spend countless hours that the girl in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin sister (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Boyfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: He growls at every dog that passes by saying, “Stay away from MY bitch, you mutts!”

Signs your girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: When she comes over to your house, she runs into your room with a sledge hammer and bashes your German Shepherd, Shasha, all the while saying, “Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, you fucking BITCH!!!!”

9: When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?” in order to make you jealous.

8: She buys you a chain and a leash for your birthday and instead of the usual necktie.

7: You tell her that you went to goof off for a while and rushes to the phone, checking out all of the zoos, animal shelters and stables in the area for any “unusual activity that happened within 24 hours.”

6: She took you to the vet instead of the doctor when you got sick with the flu.

5: She won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell her you sleep with the dog, she hopes that’s all you do.

3: Whenever a hot sexy dogwalker passes by the two of you, she gets jealous of the dogs, not the chick.

2: You spend countless hours that the guy in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin brother (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: You wake up from a wild night of having sex with her and discover that she had you locked up in a cage with a doghouse while you were sleeping.

Here’s Another one!!! Enjoy!!!

How much of you would a woodchuck fuck
if a woodchuck could fuck you?
A woodchuck would fuck, he would, as much as he could,
and fuck as much you as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could fuck you.

Signs That Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Understand You’re into Animal Sex

10: He wonders why your other friends giggle to themselves when you tell him you were just giving the dog a bath in your bathroom.

9: He wonders why that eel on his aquarium keeps on dying every time he comes home from a business trip. Note: You were looking after his apartment.

8: He then wonders later why your pussy smell kinda fishy during sex.

7: You find yourself saying, “Come on over, Doggy and I just finished.”

6: He wonders why the dog he gave you last Christmas suddenly seems to hate him now.

5: You tell him you that your dog sleeps with you in your room without mentioning that the two of you do more than just sleep.

4: After having a fight, you get drunk and wake up in a stable. You call your boyfriend to pick you up. He asks, “What the hell happened to you?” You answer, “Riding?”

3: He accepts the fact that when he caught you in the cow pen with white milky fluid on your face you were just milking the cows but got so thirsty and drank the milk afterwards..

2: He doesn’t like going to your place anymore because he feels that all your pets are giving him evil looks.

And the number one sign that your Boyfriend doesn’t understand you’re into Animal Sex……

1. You tell him that you want him to fuck her pussy and he says, “Well, okay honey. But could we please get rid of that large tiger first?”

Signs That Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Understand You’re into Animal Sex

10: She wonders why you keep on taking her to petting zoo during dates.

9: She wonders why you spend more time with Lassie, your dog, you do on her.

8: You spend countless hours trying to convince her that being a bitch is not necessarily a bad thing.

7: You find yourself saying, “Come on over, Beast Wars just finished.”

6: “No, No honey, I wasn’t being unfaithful. When I said I had pussies for company, I meant REAL pussies. No! I MEAN CATS! No Honey! I am NOT gay! I meant REAL cats! Animals! Honey? Come back…please?”

5: You tell her you that your dog sleeps with you in your room without mentioning that the two of you do more than just sleep.

4: After having a fight, your sent her a poem. Unfortunately, you copied it from this site.

3: She doesn’t like going into your room because she feels that all of your pets are staring at her.

2: You find yourself forever explaining to her that , ME: Animals You: Shoes

And the number one sign that your Girlfriend doesn’t understand you’re into Animal Sex……

1. You tell her that you want to do it doggy style and she says, “Why did you bring that damn dog with you?”

Hey! I got ya another one. Enjoy!!!

I cannot bear to see a man of Nowhere
Banging down upon a mare.
When bare of wear he fucks the mare,
Right there I cry, “Forbear!”

I got ya another one!!! Enjoy!!!

Mr. Don owned a monkey.
And Mr. Key owned a unicorn.
Now Don’s monkey owned Key’s unicorn
Before Don own Key,
Which made Key’s down sore.
Had Don suck Key’s unicorn
Before Key sucked Don’s monkey,
Don’s monkey would not have sucked
Key’s unicorn.
So Don’s ‘key sucked Key’s ‘orn.
But it was sad to see Key so sore
Just because Don’s ‘key sucked
Key’s ‘orn!

Reasons Why Fucking Horses is Better than Fucking Humans

Horses don’t give you AIDS.

They don’t make you pregnant either.

You can ride them as long as you want.

They are BIG.

They have lots of stamina(unlike some men I know….).

They are really BIG.

You can suck and bang them at the same time.

They are really, REALLY, BIG.

They don’t gossip and brag about they’re sex life with other to get soothe their egos.

They are REALLY FUCKING BIG.